Emotional neglect refers to a pattern where an individual’s emotional needs are consistently ignored, disregarded, or invalidated. It usually occurs within relationships. This usually stems from lack of emotional support during childhood. It is often unintentional and more often than not, parents are unaware of this. It might also be a result of parents emotionally neglecting themselves.
Clinical psychologist, Jonice Webb says that emotional neglect is like the white space in the family picture, rather than the picture itself. It goes unnoticed. It’s often about what was not said, than what was.
Sometimes when feelings go unnoticed, are questioned or misunderstood, it could consciously or subconsciously lead us to believe that our feelings are unimportant. In turn, we tend to suppress, ignore, deny, or hide from our emotions. These repressed emotions may manifest themselves through anxiety, anger, frustration or unhealthy coping mechanisms. Emotions are inbuilt biological responses, and when they are disregarded, they have an impact on us.
Sometimes it’s difficult, as parents, to understand what your child is going through, and the kind of emotional support they need.
What can we do about this and how do we change this culturally passed down route of neglect? Firstly, it’s important that we educate ourselves about 'neglect' and learn to be mindful and aware of our own emotions. Secondly, as parents we can teach our children about the importance of emotions and provide them with a safe space to talk about their feelings. It is important for parents to stay attuned with their children’s feelings, and ensure that they are validated. So that they grow up knowing, how to regulate their emotions and become self-sufficient adults.
We are leaving you with this Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) questionnaire put together by Dr. Jonice Webb. Answer ‘Yes/No’ to these questions. Calculating the total number of 'YES' will act as the first step in understanding and becoming aware of your feelings. It might give you a peek into the ways in which you may have experienced emotional neglect, as a child.
1. Sometimes feel like you don’t belong when you’re with your family or friends?
2. Pride yourself on not relying upon others?
3. Have difficulty asking for help?
4. Have friends or family who complain that you are aloof or distant?
5. Feel you have not met your potential in life?
6. Often just want to be left alone?
7. Secretly feel that you may be a fraud?
8. Tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations?
9. Often feel disappointed with, or angry at yourself?
10. Judge yourself more harshly than you judge others?
11. Compare yourself to others and often find yourself sadly lacking?
12. Find it easier to love animals than people?
13. Often feel irritable or unhappy for no apparent reason?
14. Have trouble knowing what you’re feeling?
15. Have trouble identifying your strengths and weaknesses?
16. Sometimes feel like you’re on the outside looking in?
17. Believe you’re one of those people who could easily live as a hermit?
18. Have trouble calming yourself?
19. Feel there’s something holding you back from being present in the moment?
20. At times feel empty inside?
21. Secretly feel there’s something wrong with you?
22. Struggle with self-discipline?
You can take this questionnaire online: https://drjonicewebb.com/cenquestionnaire/
Wish to know more about 'Emotional Neglect'?
Here’s to taking the first step towards becoming aware of our mental health!
DISCLAIMER: This blog is created ONLY for information purpose and NOT for self diagnosis. There is a lot more to the concerns we talk about here. In case you identify with these experiences in your or your loved ones life, please reach out to a mental health professional or our team at HerMoveMeant, for further assistance.
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